Day 78 and 79 – Understanding, acceptance and radical self/other acceptance
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| Photo by ben o'bro on Unsplash |
I usually include this disclaimer with my introductory email to Orientation students:
Please note the N. Rogers (2000) is a reprinting of a text originally written in 1993 - and in many regards it is quite dated - despite that, Natalie Rogers began one of the main approaches in Expressive Arts Therapy - the Person-Centered Expressive Arts Therapy approach, and as such, this text is seminal. While some find her approach flowery, her everyday language and open invitations to approach the use of the arts as a primary mode of therapy are useful - I would recommend trying several exercises she suggests.
Again, I would no longer use the word “seminal” – and instead would say – “foundational” or “this text offers a solid foundation to the Person-Centered Expressive Arts Therapy approach.”
Anin Utigaard, a student and friend of Natalie Rogers, recently presented on her work, through the Focusing and Expressive Arts Institute. I was struck once again with the power of Carl Rogers’ approach of radical self-acceptance.
So, I decided to go to the source – and remembered reading “On becoming a person” (C. Rogers, 1995) many years ago, so went back to read the first few chapters again. I really enjoyed them. They are so personable, and open. First published in 1961, it was one of the books that made Rogers and the third wave of psychology – humanistic psychology – so popular.
Towards the end of Part 1, there is a section called “Some Significant Learnings” – C. Rogers (1995) is eager to point out that he is not saying everyone should or will respond this way, but that these have been important learnings for him. I particularly liked the learning he states this way: “I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand another person.”
He goes on to say:
The way in which I have worded this statement may seem strange to you. Is it necessary to permit oneself to understand another? I think that it is. Our first reaction to most of the statements which we hear from other people is an immediate evaluation, or judgment, rather than an understanding of it. When someone expresses some feeling or attitude or belief, our tendency is, almost immediately, to feel “That’s right; or “That’s stupid;” “That’s abnormal;” “That’s unreasonable;” “That’s incorrect”; “That’s not nice.” Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of his statement is to him. I believe this is because understanding is risky. If I let myself really understand another person, I might be changed by that understanding and we all fear change. So as I say, it is not an easy thing to permit oneself to understand an individual, to enter thoroughly and completely and empathically into his frame of reference. It is also a rare thing.
Wow! I really liked this. I think I too experience it as rare and I experience myself as still learning after all these years, to both listen and to trying to understand – to listen with openness and a non-judgmental attitude. To try to enter empathically into the other’s frame of reference.
I also think this is really central to our experience of creativity!!!! We rarely allow ourselves to just let whatever emerges to emerge! We start from a place of judgment – not understanding. Allowing our creativity and expressions to tell us something, to show us themselves, to represent more than just our “projections.” It gave me a lot to think about and I found myself thinking about experiential ways to explore this with students!
Perrin, P. B. (2013). Humanistic psychology’s social justice philosophy: Systemically treating the psychosocial and health effects of racism. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 53(1), 52–69. https://doi.org/10.1177 /0022167812447133
Rogers, C. R. (1995). On becoming a person: a therapist’s view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
Rogers, N. (1993). The Creative Connection: Expressive arts as healing. Houghton Mifflin.
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