Day 45 – Mal Criada

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Day 45

all of me (2/22/22)

 

Mal Criada

 

scattered I sit

I drink coffee

I pace the room

I sit

 

Who am I?

Who am I to…

 

Who am I to

be the voice of something

of becoming something

of becoming somebody

 

Full of contradictions

full of dismissals

full of complicity

full of acquiescence

and acts of evasion

full of violence

and being violated

 

too depleted to push against

 

Who am I

to be a voice of contradiction

when I’m so agreeable

 

when I think I’m being agreeable

when I think

I’m being agreeable

Trying to agree with so much

 

Trying so hard to

play by the rules

to fulfill the promise

expected of me

by so many

for so long

 

And I arrive

 

I am so privileged

with so much for which to be grateful

 

The world has kept its promise

placed me in a position of privilege

 

so why am I ashamed?

why am I so mal criada

as I open my mouth

to bite the hand that feeds me

 

I was the one who married the guy

who lived in a good neighborhood

who sent my children to good schools

who joined a spiritual community that shared my values

who joined the academy and went up the ranks

 

so why has it left such a sour taste

in my mouth

with words that burn my tongue

and taste so rancid

 

who am I to speak of social justice

when I have not resisted

when I have not refused to look away

at all the blatant abuses

of power

when I have closed my eyes

and my ears to the sorrow

 

when I have looked down

to see only my own feet walking forward

 

3/31/22

 


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